My Haiti Experience
Haiti is in crisis. One has to be totally under a rock to not have heard and seen the devastation there this past week. I was in a personal crisis due to my husband being in Haiti on business when the earthquake occurred. For 48 hours, I imagined my life would change forever. And it did. Although my husband (thankfully) returned home unharmed and safe late last week, I am changed forever. The lessons learned from that harrowing experience are profound, and need to be shared. While I hope that others will learn from this, the most important learning is mine. The lessons from experiences should not be wasted. So, although I can’t go to Haiti and help the earthquake survivors, I can, while the feelings from last week are still fresh, share some thoughts about connecting during a crisis.
Do we really need to use technology to reach out to others in times of a crisis? Have we become too busy to make a phone call? Yes, of course the telephone is technology, but surely the difference in a phone call and an email is obvious. Granted, we are living in a technological age, and technology was my friend during those 48 hours. I could read my husband’s emails (he was in an office building that had a generator.) That is, I could read them until the technology disappeared, and I wondered anew if he really was alright after all. Although I could read them, I could not feel them.
The printed or written word never has the power of the spoken word. As a speaker, I am confident of that. As a deliver of words to others, I have seen on audience faces the impact of my words. I also still remember the faces of my children as a result of how some of my words must have felt.
As a receiver of the words of others, I have felt the impact of the famous motivational speaker Zig Ziglar’s words, first on an audiotape, then in a live presentation. As powerful as those were however, and preferable to email or Facebook, when Zig Ziglar said hello to me on an escalator, and looked me in the eye, I felt a human connection. That human connection cannot be felt to the same degree via technology. It is true that it is not always necessary to feel that type of human connection. My husband sent a mass notice from Haiti to his Facebook “friends”, which included some family members. That notice was for information, not connection. Hopefully, the difference in those two words is clearly understood.
I am still amazed at the many people who reached out not just to my husband, but also to me during this crisis, by calls and emails, visits, and other acts of caring. And yes, I am also amazed by those who didn’t. In both cases, I am surprised at how important those connections were to me. I am surprised at the warmth I felt from a phone call from a coworker who I haven’t seen for almost twenty years, especially given that there wasn’t much “warmth” when we worked together. I am also surprised at how cold it still feels this many days later that some who I would have thought would have called, didn’t, and still haven’t.
Some people “sent” their thoughts and good wishes through others, which was understandable. It wasn’t necessary for everyone in a family or group to call or email, for one person could easily be the “messenger.”
Many who emailed were those more casual friends and acquaintances or business contacts. Most of those who called are close friends and family. Some from each group who I thought would reach out in some way did neither.
Facebook and related technology are here to stay. This experience will not change that, nor is it intended to. What it is intended to do is to help us determine the most appropriate medium to use when connecting with others.
Some generations are more comfortable with and use technology more than others. This is often fine, sometimes not. It is important to teach these lessons of human connection to the generations which may not have had enough of it taught (or even more importantly, lived) at home.
In times of crisis, when possible, use human connection to reach out to others, for it is usually much more powerful and meaningful than the use of technology. Most likely you have experienced a handwritten note being opened first, even when opening routine mail, before a mailing with a mailing label is opened. A related experience is the universal dislike for a recorded voice mail message from a vendor or solicitor, for such is abusing the privilege of a phone call. When one answers the telephone, it is with the expectation of having a two way conversation.
Personality differences account for some of the reasons some people are more comfortable connecting by technology than by phone, or not at all. Even so, the need for human connection in times of crisis should encourage us to get out of our own comfort zone and focus on the needs of others.
It bears repeating. Facebook is not a human connection in times of crisis. When people are going through a crisis, or even a hard time, reach out. Reach out by phone, email, or even snail mail, before Facebook. If it is possible and appropriate, go in person.
This is about “me too.” I must go and reach out to a neighbor who is going through a hard time. And write that note to a friend who just lost her husband. And send that overdue thank you note. And…….
About the author:
Patti Fralix inspires positive change in work, life, and family through speaking, consulting, and coaching. She is founder and president of The Fralix Group, Inc., a leadership excellence firm based in Raleigh. She can be reached at pfralix@fralixgroup.com.